You Want To Know The Truth..
Well here it is. I’ve gained 2 inches around my waist, can’t stop eating fast food or lying to myself and everyone else about everything and am in a relationship with a man I HATE. I don’t know what’s gotten over me. If I’m staying because I know once I leave I’ll be lonely or if I see this relationship as a business opportunity that I just can’t pass up. Whatever it is if I ever want to get back on track I should probably get myself together and keep it moving before its too late..
Update On My Life: I bought myself a car with my own money. First time in my life that I think I’ve been this responsible with my own money. But I have to give credit where credit is due.. My boyfriend has helped me a lot with managing my money. Even though he’s spent way more of my money than I have in the past 3 months but that’s besides the point. I really feel like a new woman because of him. I am not who I am because of him and this doesn’t change the fact that I hate him but he taught me valuable lessons that I hope to take with me to the grave.
As a woman I want to be some type of role model for younger girls someday and I know that the way I am now is not role model material. Why do I stay? Why do I put up with the abuse? Because I’m bored? Because I think that someday this pain will be useful to me? I’ve almost reached the point of being numb, where you’ve felt so much pain you just don’t feel anything anymore. And I so badly want to be okay with it.
My dreams and hopes don’t matter. This company doesn’t matter. The message I am trying to send to the women of America that you can rebuild yourself out of your own ashes DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE. I’ve lied to myself so long. I don’t know how to start telling myself the truth. I want to end this on a positive note and say I’ll be back soon but at this point I’m just not sure if I have the ability to promise that.